The lobby is starting to look like a Special Olympics ice skating practice rink.

Disappointment is discovering that the woman at the gas station was staring not at my butt, but at the gaping hole I didn’t know I had in the back of my shorts.

Being on call is easy when you’ve got AT&T. The phone doesn’t ring.

Hand over the mocha or the kid in the Santa hat is going down.

I thought the guy flossing on the train was weird before the dental pick came out.

Jimmie’s rubbing the monkey right in front of an old lady.

is listening to @fng giggle like an 11-year-old girl.

Where does the rat lady find all those rats?

I’m going to have a badhair day and it’s all @brien_kenai’s fault.

I think that dead guy from the B-52′s was driving the train tonight.